Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Calling My Allstate Agent

I never knew what a Type A person was until someone called me one. And then someone else did. And then another. I still really don't know what it means; if someone were to ask me today, I wouldn't really know what to tell them. To get my working definition of the term, here's some ideas I associate with it:

pefectionism
stress
worry
control
distrust
apparently, heart disease (per dictionary.com - I just looked that up)

This list has shaped a large part of my life whether it be gray hair at 17 (hooray for Taylor Hicks for making gray cool again!) or stress fractures or hours worth of high school reading (honestly, who did their reading in high school?). This Type A-ism also causes huge problems in my relationship with God. I'm often uncomfortable because I can't control Him, fit Him into a box I can handle, trust Him, or match the standard that He sets.

Last night, I musically worshipped for the first time since June and was reminded again of the good news in this Type A battle that I fight. So many of the songs we sang asked God to do something - transform, take, love, conform - all the things that I wish I could do, being the controlling being that I am. I can't do these things though. I already tried.

What a beautiful reminder that God can and does. And he won't have it any other way. He is the actor in our lives. He "alone does great wonders" (Psalm 136:4). What a lie I buy into that I can do great wonders, as I then proceed to drive myself into the ground in futile attempts. There is freedom in knowing that I can stop stressing, stop trying so hard, and stop feeling like I'm failing. And not because I become indifferent or apathetic. My Type-Aism couldn't accept that. But because, as I was reminded last night, I know that I - and the world around me - are in good hands.

1 comment:

katie, from the less dirty north said...

you should know your gray hair is one of my top three favorite things about you