Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Wicked Pissah of a Day

Odd Encounter of the Week: Floor Urinator

Those of you who know me well knew this was coming. At some point, this blog thing would deteriorate into toilet humor. Today is that day. Sorry it took so long for those of you looking forward to this. Just sorry to the rest of you.

A couple of weeks ago, my trendy Borders earpiece announced a disasterous situation to those of us on the clock: someone had peed on the men's bathroom floor. Hide the women. Hide the children. We have urine.

Being low man on the totem pole (and, conveniently, male), I volunteered to go clean it up. I've cleaned public bathhouses on RV campgrounds for three summers, so I knew Borders could not dump anything on me nearly as bad as the messes I've cleaned up at camp. I marched in with my mop bucket and mop, quickly dried up the stream, and headed back to shelving.

Days later, this fellow returns. We have another mess. This time when the alert goes out through our stylish headsets, a manager replies in excitement that he had noticed this same mess 4 times in the preceding 2 weeks!

Borders is pissed.

So today, 9:45am, we thought we had him. I was called in for Bathroom Recon to flush out a potential perp. I felt like I was on some undercover mission. Call me Double O Se-Ben. I entered, ready for anything, and got nothing. Dry floor, empty stalls.

Then again, 12:35pm, we thought we had him. I got called in to the bathroom to try and catch him with his pants down. Again, no pee.

We aren't giving up though. I have been placed under orders to check the bathroom on the hour for every am shift that I work. I feel like I've been promoted. Once again though, this Odd Encouter of the Week isn't actually a physical encounter. . . . yet (insert determined, intimidating face here). However, after cleaning up this guy's urine, I feel like I've more than encountered him.

So Floor Urinator, if you are out there reading this, know that this Book Shelver is hot on the trail you are leaving behind. Literally.


Jeff said...

what makes a man want to leave urine on the floor...

Amy said...

There are so many bad puns in here that I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Oh, and by the way, I read your blog. Blame Christa for having a link...

Jenn Pappa said...

at least it's not poop

pee and poop poop poop pee and poop poop poop pee and poop poop poop pee and poop

that was actually a song performed in one of IV's skits... by me yes by me and sam swedenberg... oh the good ole days

Ben said...


I'm honored you take time to read. Glad you enjoyed the puns. I had a blast putting them in there. Thanks for the close read!