Tuesday, December 05, 2006

More Smut, Please

Odd Encounter of the Week: Immoral Purist

I should never complain about my job for many reasons, but here's two to start with:

1) Borders was the only place that called me back when I flooded the marketplace with my resume. Say what I will about retail wages but, without Borders, I'm in worse financial shape than the referendum-ignoring Charlotte Bobcats. For that, I am more grateful than I often act.

2) My days are rarely ever boring. One day, I think I will yearn for this aspect of my job. Take yesterday, for example. First, I got invited to a Christmas party in north Charlotte by a customer who described herself as a "marketing guro." I had known her all of 45 seconds before the invitation to this shindig; she promised there would be "divas." Hmm. Then around lunchtime, an ambulance showed up to take care of a 90-year old customer who passed out in the cafe. She came to after the medics arrived and by all accounts is fine now, but it was quite the scene for some time. Finally, a customer who constistently and loudly berates Borders employees when she shops visited the store for the first time since I started working there, and true to form, she yelled at our cashier. Her code name, given by my manager many visits ago, is "Big Bird."

My favorite from yesterday though was a phone call we got mid-afternoon from an unsatisfied customer. It seems Jane Doe had recently bought a DVD from Borders and felt she had been misled by the cover. I won't name the movie, but suffice it to say this was a movie that was a popular romance/drama and spent months in theaters. It's important you know this movie is normal.

So ma'am, what was the problem with the movie?

"It wasn't explicit enough."

Oh, sorry about that. I bet that must have been embarrassing to have been watching it with your kids and have that awkwa. . . . Wait, what was the problem?

"It wasn't as explicit as it was in the movies. I could see the editting lines during the sex scene. The cover led me to believe that it was uneditted."

Shame, dignity, anyone? Who asks a question like that? Certainly no one in the 4+ year history of the store, according to my co-workers. More importantly from my vantage point, how does one respond to a question like that?

I know for a fact the movie wasn't editted which makes me wonder what she thought she saw in the theaters. And how the cover of a dramance could hint at an increased level of sexually inappropriate content is beyond me. "You asked for more smut. We delivered!" Movies just don't do that. It's not like this was American Pie or some other flick which solely prides itself on transforming the gross into the humorous.

I've heard of the term "moral purist" before, even had it derogatorily tossed my way a couple times during my life. But never before had I encountered an immoral purist. She wanted her vulgarity, and she wanted it true, complete, and unadulterated. Moral alloy not allowed.

Her complaint continued on for minutes. This was serious business. She was very angry about her disappointment, and we eventually had to give her the phone number for corporate Borders, sending her up the chain of command. I hope she wasn't disappointed that it wasn't a pole.

1 comment:

Oakley said...

You should have told her to order a subscription to latenight Skinemax or just watch MTV.