Thursday, December 07, 2006

Same Ol' B

I am currently in the process of filling out an application for a ministry position. I use the term "filling out" loosely because I all but completed the same application last year. Copy and paste has great utility, I am learning.

The questions are extensive, basically asking me who I am and what I believe in a very in-depth manner. I've been fascinated to look back at my answers from last year. It very much feels like an out-of-body experience, and on some level, I guess it is. I'm looking at the descriptions of this person and what he believes like it could be anybody. But it's me! Or more correctly, it was me.

Looking back from the future, I find that I am able to look at myself and my views more objectively and more critically. In the present, I always think I am right. Looking back at the past though, I will more objectively criticize my wayward ways because they sometimes digress from the present me, the one I am slow to criticize. I've found myself on occasion reading my answers and marveling, "Man, that was dumb." Makes me wonder about the dumb stuff I am writing nowadays.

My opinions on many things are different now than they were. Almost without fail, I have either altered my views or added depth to the reasons I hold them. My beliefs have often become clearer. My confusion has often become more gnarled. Regardless, I am different now than I was a year ago, and this encourages me. God, indeed, is not dead and has been moving and shaping me over the last year. This is very obvious in the occassional life-altering moments of the past year. But what the juxtaposition of the two applications has shown me is that he has moved in consistently subtle ways too, ways that I cannot pinpoint but which have made me a different, hopefully more mature person now than I was.

And yet, the first question of the application asks me to choose from a list of 13 the three characteristics (1-3) that most aptly describe me and the one (6) that least likely describes me. The results:

Last year: 1. Can structure my time 2. Exercise leadership 3. Know myself fairly well 6. Can function in a job where there is more to do than time to do it in

This year: 1. Can structure my time 2. Know myself fairly well 3. Have considerable drive 6. Can funciton in a job where there is more to do than time to do it in

Amidst all the change, I'm still me with similar weaknesses, stregnths, personality traits, and quirks, all seemingly woven into whatever it is that makes up me (DNA, RNA, cells, whatever it is). What a great reminder that God has wonderfully and purposefully made me. He knit me together, counted the hairs on my head, and guides my growth until its completion in the day of Christ Jesus.

Alas, as the rapper Ginuwine so eloquently put it, even though I might be on tv, cuz I got my own cd, all you will ever see, [is the] same ol' g. Or the same ol' b, to be exact.

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