Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Top 10 Reasons I Want to Move to New Hampshire

10. Moving to New Hampshire gives me an opportunity to make a Top 10 list, a favorite pasttime of my friend Chris Pappa. I hope this list appeases him and thus pays my way out of the purgatory known as Wieniedom (see last post's comments). I want out of Wieniedom.

9. According to license plates, New Hampshire's state motto is "Live free or die." This manifests itself in many forms:

-no required motorcycle helmets
-no required seatbelts
(Perhaps the state's motto should more aptly be "Live free and die.")
-no income tax
-no sales tax

I do not want to pay sales tax nor do I want to pay income tax.

8. Dunkin' Donuts. In New Hampshire, they give directions by Dunkin' Donuts's. I want more Dunkin' Donuts in my life.

7. I love nicknames. At Borders recently, I nicknamed myself "The Crowbar" and proceded to nickname my inventory colleagues "The Anvil," "Squeaky Bellows," and "Smitty." Together we are "The Smithery." We were real bored. However, the nicknames have stuck and provided more smiles than we had pre-nickname. Moving to this new location, "New Hampshire," allows me to refer to my old habitat as simply "Hampshire." This sounds cool. I like nicknames. I want to call my southeast Charlotte home "Hampshire."

6. A peer of mine told me a story at fundraising training about an unidentified staff worker raising half his/her required funds through online gambling (Ed.'s note: Online gambling only became illegal within the past year). We have not confirmed this rumor, but it made for a good story. I want to be a part of a ministry that, uh, thinks creatively.

5. I saw a moose in New Hampshire. I said, "Hey, look! A llama!"

I want to learn the difference bewteen a moose and a llama.

4. In New Hampshire, many people do not lock their doors. Last month, my car got broken in to and my stereo got 25'ed even with the doors locked. I remain uncertain that any place exists where one does not need to lock the door. However, I want to live in a place where some people think you do not have to.

3. The local grocery store is the "Durham Market Place" or "The Dump" for short. I want to buy my food at The Dump.

2. Two of my all-time favorite movies are "Gettysburg" and "Tombstone." What do these two films have in common (besides Sam Elliot)? That's right, great moustaches. See here and here and here. If there is one thing I learned this weekend it was this: New Hampshire has great moustahces. I, too, want a great moustache.

1. Cedar Waters Nudist Park. 'Nuff said.

266 comments:

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Chris Pappa said...

Gotta love a top ten.

Massachusetts also has a kickin' motto, "We seek peace by the sword, but only peace under liberty."

You may be disappointed to know that George Bush's domain extends even to New Hampshire, where you will nonetheless give the feds their due.

And, officially, you are no longer a wienie. Welcome back.

Jeff said...

That's GREAT about the nudist park....hahahahahahahaha

Live free or die, my friend.

Jenn Pappa said...

hahaha i laughed so hard at the nudist thing and i was terrified to click on the link

heres to a naked person getting lost and stumbling into your backyard *raises glass

Jonathan said...

Man, I've always wanted to buy my food at the dump.

Now with this move, what football team will you be cheering for this fall?

Bradley said...

Rumor has it that I have a nudist colony...IN MY PANTS! Why not come visit Winston-Salem sometime: it's a lot closer than New Hampshire.

Ben said...

Chris, you rodeo'ed the heck out of that comment. Nice job. Thanks for the reinstatement.

Jeff, I thought about your Libertarian self a lot this weekend. Glad you picked up on it. Wear your seatbelt anyways.

Jenn, *cling* (raised glasses tapping together)

Stotts, GRRRRRROOOOOWWWWWLLLLLLL!!!!!! And if you still don't know, we didn't spend enough Sunday's together last year.

Bradley, I don't want to go there. Figuratively and literally. Glad you stopped by for the Gettysburg reference though. Spring Break '06!!!!

Wilson said...

Everybody needs more Dunkin Donuts in their lives.

Jennifer "Krispy Kreme lover" Hagin said...

Ok, so I had at least two people today reference this list so I had to check it out. Your brother had an aha moment in our meeting together, it had nothing to do with the open Bible between us, but involves rearranging the letters in your last name to spell something different. That's why we raise the big bucks.
I won't steal Brian's thunder, but I will say...
*I'm glad that your freakish facial hair fetish will be acceptable in New Hampshire.
*Just remember the nutritional chart at Dunkin Donuts
*I guess we all know where you will watch the next National Championship game. Speaking of nudists, I finished the book.

Ben said...

Philosophical Question of the Day:

If one chose to watch the National Championship game at a nudist park and one's team won, would one put ON all of his clothes to go act crazy and celebrate?

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