Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Headlines

By mid-morning, I had purposed to blog about our need for a holistic gospel, one that incorpoarted the need for both a personal relationship with Christ and a passion for the things about which God has a passion. I would have titled it "A Holy Holistic."

But then Harry Potter would not leave me alone. Perhaps this is telling, symbolic, and/or microcosmic.

HPot met me everywhere today. He found me in conversations with co-workers about last night's opening of Harry Potter 5. He found me in the arrival of the actual shipment of the final book installment. He even found me above the heading of the Charlotte Observer, smooching some character from the aforementioned movie. I did not know Harry was a mack.

Now my last post may have implied that I hate Harry Potter. I do not. I love things that allow people to get caught up in something bigger than themselves, which is why I love football games, water beds, and Christianity. However, I do find our culture's response to this phenomenon rather curious and oftentimes silly which accounts for much of my jest. Particularly harrowing is the lunacy to which it seems to drive some people. Case in point:

In today's Charlotte Observer, a writer quoted a nine-year old boy waiting in line to see last night's movie opening:

"Harry Potter can beat up a transformer and he's way cooler."

Coolness remains subjective, so I shan't argue my man on that point. But one thing must be made very clear:

There is no way Harry Potter EVER beats up Optimus Prime. Not once. No way. To say so is sheer ludricosity (or ludicrousness, for the less creative of you).

Now admittedly, I remain unfamiliar with the fighting styles of each combattant, having last watched Transformers in 1912 and having never read Harry Potter. So what evidence do I have? you might ask. Well, this is Harry Potter. And this is Optimus Prime.

'Nuff said.

This imagainative battle got me to thinking what the headline in the paper would be the next day if Harry Potter and Optimus Prime battled to the death. I dwelled on this for hours at work. Here is what I got:

"OPTIMUS CRIME: TRANSFORMER MURDERS POTTER"

"WHICH POTTER? HARRY FIGHTS LIKE BEATRICE IN DEFEAT"

"PRIME SMOKES POT IN EPIC BATTLE"

"A HARRY SITUATION: PRIME PUMMELS POTTER"

"PRIME-TIME: OPTIMUS TURNS OUT POTTER'S LIGHTS"

"POTTER PUMPS PRIME, STILL GETS MOWED"

"HOGWASH: POTTER'S TRAINING NO MATCH FOR PRIME'S BRAWN"

"PLANTED: POT UNABLE TO RISE UP AGAINST PRIME"

"POTTER TRIES TO DIVIDE PRIME, CANNOT"

Any other suggestions?

10 comments:

Jeff said...

the last one killed me.

NOT EVEN A WIZARD CAN DIVIDE A PRIME

Anna said...

I agree. I lost it on the last one.

Headlines aside...Harry Potter would annihilate Optimus Prime, which is why you must read the books.

Ben said...

In the interest of full disclosure, I received this e-mail from a person who signs their correspondence as simply "e":

I just don't know why I can't post a comment on your
blog. I can't post one on Jeff's either.

What I wanted to say yesterday was, I wouldn't miss
July 20th for the world.

And today: I'm glad you're going to NH because you
really need to get a life.

Jeff said...

i just thought you'd stopped reading. I wouldn't blame you if you had.

Jeff said...

oh, and I like that "e" person. good people.

Brad said...

I've got a headline for you...

POTTER KICKS OPTIMUS PRIME'S ASS

I believe that the simple eloquence of that particular statement captures the reality of what would happen in the case of the duel you've mentioned. After all, if Voldemort can't take Potter down, Optimus Prime definitely can't.

Anna said...

Amen.

Wilson said...

You people are nuts! No way Harry Potter has a chance against Optimus Prime.

Alex said...

ben, i've never laughed at a blog post harder. potter's a pansy. optimus prime takes him easy.

Katie said...

Ben, Long time, no talk
I am really jealous that you have the honor of emceeing harry potter events even if you aren't excited for it. But I am incredibly lame and will likely be participating in the events you will be hosting at your borders, up here in mass. You should really read the books, I feel your philosophical/christian self would appreciate them. I remember reading when one of the books came out and there was the usual surge in media coverage that the books were banned in some christian schools and some fundamentalists were against the books because harry potter lives in a world with no mention of god and has powers that no man should or something ridiculous like that. What they fail to mention in those arguments is that the reason harry can defeat evil is because he is capable of love, has friends, and compassion for others, and is selfless to a degree that ficional character or not, is a certainly an example to follow. When given the choice between the easy way (giving in to evil and temptation) and the hard way (remaining true to his friends and fighting against what he thinks is wrong)he chooses the hard way, and really, are there more important lessons than that to teach elementary school children? Without giving away too much of the book should you ever choose to read them, the reason that the evil wizard in the books is unable to destroy harry, try as he might, is that Harry is protected by the love of his parents and their sacrifice (they die protecting him as a baby), and the fact that he is able to love others, something the evil wizard is unable to do. Though there is no mention of God, Jesus, etc, I'm pretty sure that those are all lessons we were taught in ccd, sunday school, bible study, hebrew class, etc. Really, if I had a nine year old, I would tell him that Harry could kick optimus primes ass any day of the week. Though transformers are bad ass and I'm excited to see that movie as well. Anyway, I think you should try the books, I think there are things in there that would appeal to you. And it would make you cooler in my book.