Friday, July 20, 2007


If you find yourself stuck in an office today, you may not feel it. Similarly too if you sit in a summer school classroom or library. Boredom acts as a bad conductor. But something electric courses through the air today. Even in the wet, thick, heavy summer air of North Carolina, one can sense it.

'Tis not the colossal effect of the British Open, the third of golf's four majors currently hacking through its second round. 'Tis not the colossal noise of the PETA protest currently roaring into the ears of accused dogfighter Mike Vick, Roger Goodell, and NFL fans everywhere.

'Tis Harry Potter. He releases himself tonight. No one releases Harry Potter except himself.

Officially, Harry Potter does not come out until tomorrow, but millions will not see the inside of their eyelids before they feast their eyes on Mr. Potter and some rather dangerous hallows.

Many have already begun the pilgrimage to their local bookstore to grab their bracelet which allows them to later purchase the book. Others have already finished their pilgrimage, anchored in a line from which even a pack of Death Eaters could not move them.

I do not take my spot as worship leader until 8pm tonight. Borders has provided me, the Harry Potter trivia game emcee, with the rules of the contest and the questions I should ask. My only job: execution.

I shall take pictures and do my best to post them here on Redeeming Prufrock Sunday night. I have never done such a thing, but in response to demand, I shall try.

In thinking over the worst case scenarios, I have decided that a tie in the trivia game ranks high on the list. I will not have enough prizes for more than one team of winners. More importantly, I will be out of questions with which to break the tie. In this case, we shall turn to a spelling bee. As my friend Chris Pappa told me yesterday, just tell them to spell every word I hear.

"Spell Hufflepuff."

"Spell Voldemort."

"Spell Potter."

"Spell spell."

I have decided the final tie-breaking question will not be a question concerning Harry Potter. It will be something more along the lines of "Who was President during the Civil War?" or "Name a broadway production of the last ten years." or "Who wrote 'The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock'?". I want hearts broken, not over a lack of Harry Potter knowledge, but over a lack of historical, cultural, and literary knowledge. This shall exist as my subtle but stark rebellion.

Because there are things more important than Harry Potter.

Of course for the sake of my physical safety, I won't be saying that tonight.


Brad said...

For someone who has never read Harry Potter and claims that Optimus Prime could beat him in hand-to-hand combat, you sure do write about him a lot. Have you got a man-crush, Mr. Humphries [wizard-crush, sorry]? Do you, like my sister, admire Potter's jawline?

I hear that "humphripigeotosis" makes a great tie-breaking word in a spelling bee and maybe, if you're lucky, you can acquire from someone dressed as Potter to boot!

Anonymous said...

did you survive?

Anonymous said...

1. I also admire Harry Potter's manly wizard jaw-line.

2. S-P-E-L, "spell"

3. I demand pictures pronto.