Monday, October 01, 2007

Just a Little Friendly Heads Up

I made a mistake last night. I said it was cold.

And it was cold. After a sunny day in the mid-70's, the temperature had dropped to the chilly 40's as I walked to our Leadership Meeting at 7:00pm dressed to the hilt in khaki shorts and flip-floppery. Here, I uttered my climatic slur.

I received varied reactions from the UNH IV student leaders. One let out a Santa Clausian chuckle which communicated, "I know something you don't. Ha Ha Ha." Another gave me a quizzical look wondering why her staff worker was telling a lie. A third informed me that the weather outside was not, in fact, cold but "nice." I quickly quieted down and resolved to send Meteorological Me into hibernation for the rest of the winter.

Upon returning to my apartment after the meeting, I found an e-mail from the Prayer Coordinator of entitled "Just a Little Friendly Heads Up." It made me laugh. Then I reflected. That made me cry. Whether you are in the mood for comedy or tragedy, I thought you all might enjoy:

"NEW ENGLAND TEMPERATURE CONVERSION CHART

60 F: Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in New England sunbathe.
50 F: New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. People in New England plant gardens.
40 F: Italian & English cars won't start. People in New England drive with the windows down.
32 F: Distilled water freezes. Maine's Moosehead Lake's water gets thicker.
20 F: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.
15 F: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.
0 F: All the people in Miami die. New Englanders close the windows.
10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. The Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door.
25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. People in New England get out their winter coats.
40 below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. New Englanders get frustrated because they can't start their "kahs."
460 below zero: All atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale). People in New England start saying, "cold 'nuff for ya?"
500 below zero: Hell freezes over. The Red Sox win the World Series."

Come, Lord Jesus.

Preferably before winter.

8 comments:

Kate said...

hahaha...I've had the same thoughts since moving further down south than NC. It's so HOT down here. Yesterday, I was out running some errands in the late afternoon/early evening and I had the thought, as I got into my car, that it feels really great outside now. A few minutes later, I passed a bank that informed me that it was 82 degrees outside.

I guess the moral of the story is, keep your chin up. Apparently, you get used to it. :0)

Anonymous said...

Confession: I cried once while cleaning snow and ice off my car because I was just so tired of the cold.

And yes. You get used to it.
A bit.

Hang in there Ben!
Rachel

Tasha said...

LOL! Welcome to the north! Your blood will thicken... eventually.

p.s. I owe you a scarf. :)

hilary elvin said...

love the blog,we New Englanders are a hearty group.My Mom fits your discription perfectly,As for the rest of us,not so much!!!

Em the luddite said...

Ben... the Teva-girl might identify more with the New Englanders on this one, but my heart went out to you anyway.

Sorry I haven't updated myself on your life in a long time... I've been out of the cyber world a while. But I'm back... even have a blog of my own. It's good to hear your alive, even if a little cold.

Ben said...

Rach, when I begin to weep (since it seems inevitable), I'm coming for your shoulder.

Chris Pappa said...

As a native of the icy north, I'll have you know that most of the punks up in that region are just trying to tough it out like you. 40 degrees is chilly no matter where you're from. You just don't have the ingrained sense of "temperature hubris" that allows you to act like you aren't cold when your urine is frozen.

Tammy said...

Don't worry Ben. The winters here are somewhat exaggerated. And their severity cycles. If you want to know how bad this year is going to be, check the farmer's almanac. However, it is true that your perception of temperature is relative to the range of tempuratures you typically experience. Before my 4-year stint in South Carolina, 60 was ideal and 40 was time for a jacket. Now, 60 is time for a jacket and 40 is time for scarf and mittens. And 20 is time to move back to South Carolina. Always dress warmer at night, by the way. Once the sun starts to go down, the temperature drops dramatically.